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Dinosaur Porn

Yes. I went there. Where you ask? Click bait. Come on. You clicked because of the title, right? Okay, maybe you clicked because of the tweet that got you here, but even so…it was the promise of porn (or of me talking about porn) that brought you here.

And talk about porn we will. Okay. Not exactly porn. Dinosaur erotica.

Last year, a flurry of posts on various news sites talked about a new genre of erotica. Dinosaur Erotica. It was on Jezebel. Huffington Post. Even BoingBoing did a story on Dinosaur Beast Erotica. Not long after that, Stephen Colbert did a segment on it.

We’re not talking about two dinosaurs going at it. No. We’re talking about woman on dinosaur erotica.

I can hear you now. But how would that even work? First of all, there’s the fact that humans and dinosaurs didn’t roam the earth at the same time. And then there’s the whole size issue. I mean, the dinosaurs that are referenced in these stories are often the largest of all of the dinosaurs. T-rex, Stegasaurus, etc. We’re not talking about the compsognathus (the little guys that went all apeshit in Jurassic Park II). Now, I haven’t done a lot of research into the size of a dinosaur penis, but I’m betting it’s a mite bit bigger than a human’s.

These books sold like crazy. Granted, I have no way to independently verify this, but the reports I heard were that the two authors referenced in these articles were pulling in upwards of $30,000 a month.

Oh my holy hell. THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH! That’s more than some people make in a year. If I could make a tenth of that, I could quit my full time job.

I had to know what this was all about. So what did I do? I purchased three of these books. Yes. Really. I took one for the team. Or three.

I purchased the following specimens.

Let’s talk a little bit about them. There’s a formula here.

Part 1: The hook. All of these stories start out with something that grabs you. In Taken by the T-Rex, it’s the destruction of a village. In Taken in the Dragon’s Cave, it’s a kidnapping. In Mating with a Monster, it’s a mating task–an Amazon who must produce a hybrid.

Part 2: The sex. All of these books have multiple sex scenes. They are both human on human scenes and human on monster scenes. Set the mood with some hot and erotic human sex and then finish it with some impossible dino (or dragon) sex.

Part 3: The monster. Now here’s where these books differ. Some of them have monsters who seem to want something. Some are even human-like in their reactions. In Taken in the Dragon’s Cave, the monster seems to understand English. But in all cases, the monsters have an insatiable sex drive. In most cases, the women actually enjoy these sex acts. Make no mistake, these aren’t rape fantasy erotica books here. These are consensual (if not incredibly freaky) sex scenes.

Part 4: They’re short. 12-18 pages tops. You can read one in under half an hour. Sex, half a story, and more sex in under thirty minutes. Faster than ordering a pizza. And they sell for $2.99.

I don’t know what to think of these books. I mean, I think everyone should read what they want to read. If these books make you happy, then read them. I don’t understand it, but other than edging on bestiality (I say edging because these monsters clearly want the sex they’re having), they aren’t anything overly depraved. Wrong. But not depraved.

But why are they so popular? Is it the wrongness of it all? Is it the idea that it could never happen because the creatures are extinct? Or are the authors of these books making bank because people are curious? I mean, hell. I bought these books because *I* was curious. Well, and I wanted to write a blog post about it. I suspect that it’s really the curiosity factor that’s made these books popular. It’s certainly not because most of them are well written. Taken in the Dragon’s Cave is actually quite well written. Mating with a Monster is good too. A few mistakes, but nothing extreme. It ends a little suddenly. Taken by the T-Rex though, is horrendous. Repeated words and phrases, a lack of continuity…I had such a hard time with that one. Clearly, the authors are pumping out these books like a factory. And why not? At less than five thousand words, you could technically write one in a weekend.

When I first heard about these books, I admit. I was conflicted. First, I was jealous. My books are these huge endeavors that take me many months to write, edit, and release. And they sell for only $1-$2 more than these 15 page pieces of drivel. But the more I think about it, the more I respect the authors in question. I mean, there’s no doubt that these books are very wrong. I don’t think any of the authors here are producing good literature. But they’ve figured out how to make money on their writing. That’s something to be respected.

In a world where fame can be fleeting and the next big thing is…well…unknown…even if their fifteen minutes of fame is up already, they did something that no one else had done before.

So what’s next? Will it be ghost erotica? Cat + Dog erotica? Snail erotica? How about dino snails from outer space?

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go back to the much more believable worlds of…werewolves and vampires.

Curious about this weird genre? Of the three books I purchased, I recommend trying Taken in the Dragon’s Cave or Mating with a Monster. At these these two are decently written. If you try one, let me know what you think.

2 Comments

  • Greg Mischio (@gregmischio) Posted September 1, 2014 7:07 am

    Snail erotica? Wow, that actually got me going. Awesome post, and hilarious genre!

  • Palea Ross Posted June 27, 2015 7:30 am

    This is a fabulous post. I’m dipping my toes in as well. With a series called Awakening of the Brante Sisters: Books 1, 2, & 3. I’ll let you know how they come out.

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